When I was pregnant, I considered myself to be pretty informed about the experience of motherhood. I thought since I had done a lot of babysitting, taken psych courses on parenting, and been around my nieces and nephews that I kind of, sort of knew what becoming a mom would be like.
But I didn’t.
I imagined that once my baby was here, my life would go on mostly the same but with a baby added in. My regular life with added cuteness. Less sleep. Some minor inconveniences and some restrictions in freedom.
That’s getting a puppy, not a baby. [At least I think so. The last time I got a new puppy was in kindergarten. I can’t remember it that well. Dog owners, I’m not trying to downplay what it takes to care for and train a puppy. You’re amazing! Okay, now I better get back on track.]
I think images, metaphors, and words are important. They’re important in the way we visualize, imagine, and prepare for something new. Here are three that I think work, at least for some moms. I wish I had had these images when I was pregnant. You can decide which one(s) make sense to you.
1. A New Chapter
It’s a new phase in your life. Your surroundings might not change, but your life is going to be very different in almost every way. But you’ve done that before, haven’t you? You went from middle to high school. Maybe you started a new job or a new school, moved to a new city, come in and out of romantic relationships. You’ve done it before, you know it’s difficult, but you know it will be okay.
I like this phrase, “a new chapter” because it’s still your story! It’s not the end of your life. I know that might sound obvious, but to me in pregnancy and new motherhood, it did not feel obvious. I felt like I was giving up my life totally in order for my daughter to live. When you’re barely sleeping and struggling just to stay sane, there may be moments that feel like that. It’s just a new chapter. It’s different. Sometimes, you may feel it’s different in a good way. Sometimes, you may feel that it’s different in a bad way.
Also, the ending of the previous chapter might be sad and you might grieve over some of the losses involved. More on that later.
2. A Huge Developmental Shift, like Adolescence
Matrescence is a word for the process of becoming a mom. I love this word! I wish all moms knew it and that I had heard it sooner.
Think about what you went through in adolescence. In many ways, becoming a mom will be like that. It is a process, a long process I am still in. It does not happen overnight. It has some amazing highs and some painful lows. It will have uncomfortable parts and awkward parts and also, tons of emotions and hormones and profound brain/body changes. You will emerge on the other side different, but you will still be you.
3. A Renaissance or Rebirth:
If you asked me in the first year whether becoming a mom felt this way, most days I would have said no. This one takes time.
But a year and a half in, I feel like my daughter’s birth was my own. Being a mom will change you. You are going to be different, but you are going to be more awesome. You may go through times where life feels very hard or times where you feel very burnt out or depleted, but like any other type of suffering, you will somehow look back later and see the ways you have grown. If you are currently feeling down or struggling, I know it may not feel helpful to hear this, but just hang on. You will see, I promise. (In the meantime, please talk to someone supportive about how you feel.)
I love to ask moms about what they have gained from the transition to motherhood. (You know, in addition to the adorable baby they love.) The answers are always fascinating and different for each person. However, one theme is that moms tell me about newfound strength, a strength they didn’t know they had, often a strength they found in moments of weakness.
Also, mom superpowers are real. More on that later.
If you are expecting or hoping or considering having a baby, I hope this helped you in some way. If you are a new mom, I hope something here resonated with you. Thanks for reading.
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